And Even As I Wander
by Taisi
Summary: Now that Stan isn't trapped in Ari's shadow, he probably doesn't want him anymore. And Ari can't bear to be left behind, so he decides to be the one who does the leaving. Turns out Stan's not okay with that. Stan/Ari


He was happy for Stan; being stuck as a shadow for so long must have been terrible, so it was great he got his real form back.

He was happy for himself, too. He could go home now, once all this was over, without having to worry about Stan nagging him for every little thing he did here or there, without the evil king's presence hanging over his head like a bad conscience every time he disappointed him in whatever way.

He could be his own person again, the over-shadowed little boy from Tenel. He could, when their battles were over, return to the small town he might never have left in his lifetime if Stan hadn't appeared that day- he could return there, and things could return to normal.

So he was happy, watching Stan and Rosalyn bicker. He was happy, seeing how good the two of them looked together.

He was happy.

He was lying.

* * *

><p>They were walking down a beaten path, and their group was chatting animatedly; the camaraderie was a nice change from the usual fighting, and Ari wished he could enjoy it. Instead he was watching the ground, the way his shadow stretched in front of him.<p>

He'd never felt so lonely in his life.

"Slave!" Ari's head snapped up at that voice and he realized he'd fallen behind. The others were much farther on ahead, but a certain blond demon was waiting for him, arms crossed and with a frown on his face. "What are you doing, just standing there?"

Apologizing quietly, he hurried to him, somehow unable to look at his face. But when he might have moved on past him, a richly-clad arm swung out and caught him around the waist, pulling him- close.

"Being a part of you for so long I forgot how quiet you were," his king was musing quietly, and Ari stood frozen and staring at the ground, at his shadow again, blinking back what felt suspiciously like tears as Stan seemed content to stand there and hold him without letting go.

And Ari didn't want him to. Not once. Not ever.

A hand brushed the hair back from his face, surprisingly gentle, and when Ari bit back what _wasn't _a sob no matter what it looked like, that hand stilled and then retreated, and Stan pulled away.

"Well, let's get going." Ari listened to him take the first few steps without him, away from him, and felt his heart splinter. "Ari? Are you coming?"

Ari wiped his eyes quickly, glad for his gloves, and this time when he caught up to the demon they simply fell in step together and moved to where the rest of their group was waiting.

_It's okay._

Ari stared bleakly at his shadow, blind to the worried looks from his friends, and the silent conversation over his head between Rosalyn and Stan. He didn't notice the sidelong looks Stan threw him, didn't think anything of it when they stopped early for the night in-

What town did it matter?

They were stopping early for the night, and he would go to sleep and wake up one day closer to being alone.

* * *

><p>Ari wanted to scream.<p>

He wanted to scream and scream and _scream, _to beg and plead, anything that might convince Stan not to leave him.

But he couldn't _do _that. He didn't know if he was _capable _of- of-

It was...easier being quiet and unobtrusive. Decisions weren't really yours, questions were answered for you. Life wasn't a mystery, others told you how it would be. And every day was the same as the day before.

But Ari had done and seen amazing things. Tenel had nothing left to offer him but the heartbreaking reality of the rest of his life.

He sat up quickly in bed, the blankets falling around him in disarray. It was sort of dark- still late, he hadn't slept- and in the darkness where he couldn't see it, it was easy to pretend that his shadow wasn't still and silent.

He didn't want to go back there. He didn't _want to go back there. _Anything- anything was better than that-

His chest hurt; he couldn't breathe. He scrambled out of bed, tearing off the too-big clothes Epros had given him for pajamas, getting dressed as quickly as he could. He was pulling on his gloves, casting one last look around him at the richly-furnished room, when he wondered what it was he was doing.

_Leaving. _

He didn't know where. He wasn't sure why. Alone with suffocating thoughts and suffocating silence, he didn't know what he was thinking. It was abrupt, it was stupid, people didn't just wake up and decide things like this-

But for once, he wanted to be gone before he could be abandoned.

_They won't miss me that much. _He grabbed his bag. _I was never that important to begin with._

When he pulled the door open Stan was there, fist still raised to knock.

_No. That's not fair. _

Every ounce of the weighted decision he'd made crumpled and the strap of his bag slipped from his shoulder. He caught it, glad for any reason to look away, and held it close and in front of him, making himself small like he had in the years before the town bullies got bored of him.

How could he go now that the one person he never wanted to leave was standing there in front of him? He felt despair hook him and pull him under- was there really no way _out _of this?

Stan lowered his arm and said nothing for long moments; trembling, Ari risked a glance up at him and his heart lurched at the scowl on the evil king's face. He dropped his bag and stumbled back- Stan had _never_ glared at him like that before-

The blond man stepped after him, roughly kicking the bag out of the way, and grabbed his wrist. "Come on," he snapped, and without waiting for a response proceeded to drag him out of the room. Ari tripped once, but managed to keep up as Stan strode down the hall.

_He looks so angry, _he thought desperately. _I don't understand. _

Despite the expression on the demon's face, the hand around Ari's wrist was gentle.

* * *

><p>They didn't stop once they exited the inn; just kept on moving, turning down the street. There were a few people out and about, and it was dark and Ari might have been scared if he was by himself but- he <em>wasn't. <em>And it was pathetic, but it made him sort of happy.

The night air was chilly and Ari shivered involuntarily; Stan glanced at him sharply and- for some reason- his eyes softened and Ari looked away quickly. He had no clue what was going on.

But the cold was abruptly banished, as the warmth and softness of Stan's jacket engulfed him. He clutched it tightly with his free hand before it could fall, eyes wide and confused, and as much as he wanted to look at the demon he just _couldn't._

There was a park in this town, a pretty one, with a big fountain surrounded by paper lanterns. Ari had wanted to see it when they arrived earlier that day, but he hadn't said anything. He was surprised when that was exactly where they ended up going, and took in as much of the sight as he could. The lanterns looked like big fireflies, the way the breeze was moving them.

Stan stopped abruptly and let him go, pointing to a bench. "Sit."

Ari sat, and stared at his knees. Stan paced furiously, eyes narrowed into that vicious glare, for all of a maybe a minute before he finally turned on Ari.

"What were you thinking?" The blond advanced a step, fists clenched. "Well? You were going to _leave?_"

Ari felt the beginnings of tears in his eyes and bowed his head a little further. "I..."

His voice sounded pathetic, even to him. He hated himself sometimes.

"Explain it to me." Stan was still so angry. "What you were thinking. Now."

Clenching the jacket tighter around him, Ari closed his eyes. "I was... going to leave." In the silence that followed, even his quiet words echoed slightly through the empty park.

"_Why_?"

"Be- because." He wouldn't open his eyes for all the riches in the world. "Because, you don't _need _me anymore, so...so what am I d-doing here? Y-you'll... you'll take me back to Tenel and you'll _go, _and I, I don't _want _to- to- "

"To what?" Stan's voice was gentle now. It hurt more than the yelling had.

"I don't want to be alone." Ari looked at him now, and he hated that the world was swimming through tears because he wanted to _see _him; but then his courage failed him and he looked away again, _hating _himself. "I d-don't want to be- anywhere you're n-not. I was... I was going to l-leave, before y-you left me."

"...Oh, Ari."

Stan was right in front of him suddenly, kneeling in front of him, using the collar of his exquisite coat to wipe Ari's face dry. Ari blinked, staring at him, and something in his expression made the demon smile.

And then he was being scooped up and cradled close in strong arms, and a kiss was pressed to his hairline.

"You're absolutely ridiculous," the demon told him, when Ari only stared uncomprehendingly. "You thought I'd leave you? There's no way. You're my spoils, my great conquest. I'm not going to hand you back to the fools of that town who would have let you go to waste."

Ari's face was hot, and he shook his head, opening his mouth. Stan said firmly, "You are what I say you are, and I say you're mine."

He shut his mouth so fast his teeth clicked together and Stan looked positively delighted at him, kissing his nose this time.

"So don't ever think of leaving me again," the demon said with authority, giving him a narrow-eyed look. He started walking, and didn't seem ready to put Ari down by any means, and Ari was- he was more than okay with that. "Honestly, I would have had to track you down- and I would've found you, make no mistake- but then I would have to prove to you just how _mine _you really are. Not that I'd mind that, exactly."

Ari had next to no idea what Stan was talking about, and he didn't mind, but there was one fact he had to get clear.

"So... you're _not _going to- "

"You will be hard-pressed to think of a way to leave my side from now on," Stan said promptly. "I want you in my sight at all times."

"Wh...why?"

He got kissed again, on the cheek this time. "So I can look at you, of course. You're mine." Ari blushed, but frowned in confusion- that didn't really sound like solid reasoning- and Stan hummed. "And we should do something about your title. 'Slave' isn't quite as fitting as I first thought. 'Prince' has a pretty nice ring to it- " Ari blushed again and Stan grinned. "Prince Ari it is."

"_Prince, _but- there's no way- "

"Oh don't worry," Stan said lightly, kicking the door to the inn open- Ari was surprised they'd made it back already- and striding with dignity down the hall despite the front desk manager's scandalized expression. "The title is just that. Just because I'll call you 'my prince' from now on doesn't mean I won't do unspeakably inappropriate things to you when we're alone."

Ari stuttered at that- they were alone _now-_ and Stan chuckled, glancing down at him which only prompted him to hide his face in Stan's shirt.

"You really are too cute for your own good," the demon assured him, as though he'd been wondering, and shifted him slightly to open the door to a room that most certainly _wasn't _Ari's. "Thank god I'm not a shadow anymore."

Ari felt Stan shift him, and the evil king strode into the room to deposit him on the rather grand bed. He moved away, telling Ari to get undressed, and Ari squeaked. Stan glanced back at him, and grinned at whatever Ari's face looked like.

"Nothing like that tonight, green eyes. Here," he tossed Ari the nice shirt he'd just stripped off, "wear that." As soon as he turned, Ari shuffled out of the jacket and worked himself out of his shirt-vest-belt ensemble, hurrying into the over-large shirt and rushing through the buttons. When he'd straightened it out, he found it fell to his knees; he felt more comfortable with kicking off his shoes and worming out of his jeans then, but crept under the blankets quickly in any case, looking anywhere but at the demon king across the room.

_How did this happen? _he wondered uncertainly, picking at the blankets nervously. _I'm glad he doesn't want me to leave but- what _does _he want?_

The bed dipped with the weight of another and without warning he was dragged into strong arms. He squinted one eye shut as he recieved a kiss on the temple, and blinked up at the demon whose arms were wrapped comfortably around him.

_Maybe..._

"...Stan?"

One bright eye opened, and Stan dragged the blankets up over him farther. "Hush. Get some sleep, Ari."

Ari fit against him surprisingly well, half-laying on Stan's broad chest, his head tucked under Stan's chin. An arm around his waist held him in place, and he leaned up slightly to peek at the blue-eyed man; Stan was fast asleep already, looking complacent even when he wasn't awake, and Ari couldn't help the smile that tugged across his lips.

_He doesn't want me to leave._

He scooted up, just enough to peck a hesitant kiss on the corner of Stan's mouth and then ducked back down quickly, squirming back into his place, alarmed by his sudden bravery.

But Stan kept on sleeping and Ari relaxed- slowly- with a smile, deciding that _whatever _it was Stan wanted, he would give it to him.

_He can have everything, as long as I can stay._

When he fell asleep, it was with a fervent prayer to whatever god might listen- he wanted so _badly _for this not to be a dream.

* * *

><p>Ari woke up to fingers carding gently through his hair, and warm blue eyes not far from his own. He blinked once, feeling heavy and content under the blankets and Stan's appraising stare, and murmured, "Good morning."<p>

_Not a dream. _

He smiled, sleepy and impossibly happy and close to _him_.

Stan flashed him a grin- he must have been a morning person- and leaned over. Not sure what to expect, Ari remained still as the demon rolled on top of him, framing Ari's face with his arms, somehow resting his weight on him in a way that wasn't uncomfortable, thoroughly trapping him where he lay, and kissed him.

It wasn't like the chaste kisses of the night before; Stan had his tongue in Ari's mouth like it belonged there, and Ari moaned at the wet and the heat before he knew what he was doing or had time to be embarrassed about it.

_Maybe that's why he moves so fast, _Ari thought vaguely, too busy squirming and gasping when Stan slid a hand under the borrowed shirt to pursue the idea.

He wondered if it was okay to be okay with this, if something was wrong with him for not even trying to stop what was quickly heating up into-

Stan leaned back, licking his lips. Ari panted, flushed and bed-headed and he probably looked like a mess, the borrowed shirt halfway unbuttoned from the top, but Stan smoothed the hair back from his face and said, "You're beautiful when you don't forget to be."

Ari closed his eyes and tried to believe that was true. He figured it was worth the effort; Stan was stubborn.

And maybe...he'd like to be told sweet things more often.

* * *

><p>When they were dressed and ready to meet up with the others, Stan kissed him again before he could open the door, leaning him against it with a hand on his hip.<p>

Epros, Rosalyn, Linda- all of them, they were all waiting outside. And Stan was going to make a lot of noise and declare things and Ari was a little afraid; not for himself, because he had Stan- but for Stan, because all he had was-

_Me. _Ari stood up a little straighter, before he knew what he was doing. _He has me. _

He was tugged closer, and Stan wrapped an arm around his waist. "Alright, my prince," he said gallantly, throwing open the door. "Let's make waves."

Ari felt like laughing aloud-

So he laughed. Stan's arm tightened around him and a kiss was pressed into his hair, and someone in their group gave a little cry of surprise.

Ari smiled widely- loved and in love and not alone- and wasn't worried.

_This is the greatest feeling in the world._


End file.
